A public bench near Copper Market has been removed after fourteen complaints about a persistent squeak from the left side of the seat. The bench was structurally sound, but every person who sat in the same place produced the same long note. A maintenance worker applied oil and reduced the noise for approximately six minutes.
When the squeak returned, it had moved to a higher pitch. A second application of oil produced two distinct notes depending on where the sitter placed their weight, and by lunchtime several children had organised themselves into a queue to test what they called “the bench organ.” A Market Office inspector ended the performance after discovering that one child had begun conducting the others.
The bench is now in a municipal workshop under a repair ticket describing the fault as “persistent acoustic behaviour under load.” Technicians have asked colleagues not to sit on it during diagnosis after three people accidentally produced what one witness insists was a chord. A temporary replacement has been installed at Copper Market. It is currently behaving like furniture.
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