City Engineering Declares September “Mostly Operational”

City Engineering has released its end-of-month maintenance summary. The official conclusion is: “Ventorn remained mostly operational.” The report lists repaired valves, reopened walkways, inspected bridges, corrected signs and one fountain that was definitely not soup. It also records: One runaway barrel. One runaway cheese.

One runaway umbrella cart. One sock in a delivery tube. One unidentified brass object. One giant turnip. And a teaspoon whose movements remain under investigation. The Engineering Office says none of these should be interpreted as evidence that the city is becoming stranger.

The Gazette asked what evidence would be required. The Office declined to answer. October maintenance begins tomorrow. Residents are asked to report leaks, unusual noises and any household object that appears to be travelling independently. Especially the teaspoon.